well--it's thanksgiving week. MTSC has the entire week off from high school...MHD graciously took on the crowds at the grocery store and filled his basket with all the items on my long list...my next few days will be filled with preparing side dishes, desserts, and regrettably stressing over table decorations...and my sweet bee will be coming home from college.
yep...it's thanksgiving alright...but this year will be different--not bad, just different. i love the fact that we are hosting a dinner on thursday and sharing it with several families, each facing different circumstances this holiday. it will be a time full of laughing, eating, and making memories.
but...i will miss having cousins hanging out, laughing at inside jokes, and remembering funny stories...i will miss my mom making my grandmother's gelatin salad...i will miss my siblings and MHD's siblings--each with their own way of remembering past holidays.
my wish for you all is to have a wonderful thanksgiving...recounting blessings galore and squishing those loved ones around you--even if you aren't related!
i read this article the other day in the newspaper [yes, i still read a good old-fashioned newspaper] and it gave me something to think about...won't you take some time and give it a read? then--let me know your thanksgiving plans...i am sure they will be special--
POSTED: NOV. 14, 2010
The turkey shrinks as the absences grow
BY MITCH ALBOM
DETROIT FREE PRESS COLUMNIST
The regrets trickle in. Can't make it this
year. Too much going on. Airfare too high. Work is crazy.
Once, missing
Thanksgiving was unthinkable. But "once" was a long time ago.
Now there are reasons.
Good reasons. At least on paper. This one has a high school reunion. This one
just changed jobs. This one is moving houses. This one can't find a dog sitter.
They are all being
honest. Their lives are busy. Then here comes Thanksgiving and they're asked to
screech and halt?
And Thanksgiving in
our family is a commitment, I admit. We've been hosting it for years, for
upwards of 50 relatives and lifelong friends. It goes like this: the arrival
meal (Wednesday), the holiday meal (Thursday), the leftover meal (Friday), the
restaurant meal (Saturday) and the farewell meal (Sunday morning). In between
comes talking, slouching, sleeping, eating, talking, eating, shopping, eating.
At least it used to be that way.
In recent years, the
holiday has been shaved, like one of those giant wedding cakes that slowly gets
sliced away. "It's cheaper to fly on Thursday," they say, so they
come Thanksgiving morning. "It's cheaper to go home Saturday," they
say, so they leave a day earlier. Someone needs to work on Friday --
"They're making everyone come in," they say -- and so another chair
goes empty.
They are all being honest.
The turkey sighs.
The pain of being polite
Once, Thanksgiving
couldn't come fast enough. We all lived close. We couldn't wait for a break
from the routine. Businesses shut at noon Wednesday. Nobody worked Friday
through Sunday (unless it was in a mall). Missing a few days didn't set anyone
back. We were thrilled to see each other, to eat like gluttons, to make the
joyous noise of a crowded table and a growing family.
Moving houses? Who
moved houses? High school reunions? Who did that on Thanksgiving weekend? Work?
What employer would insist you work? On Thanksgiving?
Besides, this was
family. And family meant obligation. Obligation to eat, even if you weren't
crazy about the stuffed mushrooms or the sweet potato casserole. Obligation to
listen, even if you had heard the World War II stories a thousand times.
Obligation to do dishes. To carry out trash. To lift your grandparents'
ridiculously heavy luggage.
To stay.
Today, we shy away
from obligation. No one wants to "pressure" anyone else. Everyone
wants to say, "That's OK, you do what you have to do." We act this
way to be "understanding." I wonder if it's not so that we can expect
it will be done for us. Accept excuses, and we can later make our own. It keeps
our options open. It lets us wiggle out.
Everyone is being
honest.
But why do we want to wiggle out of each other?
Being part of an online family
Maybe it's part of the
New Busy, where we can entertain ourselves fully without leaving the house. In
the old days, if you weren't at Thanksgiving, the silence would haunt you.
You'd wonder what the family was saying, what they were eating.
Today, you can be
online, on Facebook, checking e-mail, downloading movies. Or at work, at the
mall, at the bar, at the reunion. Family? Who has time to miss family?
Except you are
missing family. You are missing a huge part of life, maybe the best part, when
the whole ensemble is together, when one funny story tumbles into another, when
your history is being told and made.
Christmas is too much
about presents. Fourth of July is vacation. Thanksgiving weekend, with its
Thursday start and Sunday finish, is a perfect chunk out of the American
schedule. Long enough for siblings, uncles, aunts and cousins to reconnect, to
hug extra long, to be reminded why family are not the office gang, not the
reading group, not the guys at the gym or the women at the salon -- but family.
And you feed a family
with turkey and memories, with laughs, with stories, with being side by side.
The older relatives,
who always knew this, have sadly passed away. Each Thanksgiving the table gets
smaller, fewer chairs are set, fewer pies are eaten.
The regrets trickle
in. So sorry. Got tickets to something. Just gonna relax at home this year.
They are all being
honest.
That's what hurts the most.
